Shellnut Moment

''It may be that you want to look a lot smarter than you actually are, or that you want to fill up a page with nonsense, or you just want to intimidate your readers with the sheer girth of your text, the Shellnut Moment will be your best friend. So if you really, really, REALLY want to know what the universal secret only known by the gods themselves up until this very moment, read on, my friend. But first, let's remember the polar opposite of the Shellnut Moment: the Nutshell Moment. In that, it's basically taking something and summarizing it. You see, it's that easy. But the Nutshell is for lazy people. We aren't lazy here - we want to make damn sure our readers understand what they're reading or else there's no point in saying anything in the first place, now is there? I mean, if you're writing a page on UnTrash Wiki and you do a job that can truly only be described as terrible and worthless as you leave your readers utterly mystified and scared, then you might as well not have written anything to begin with. Now, onto describing the most essential definition of a Shellnut Moment. If you're a reader with a few IQ points lingering about in your head, then you'd have noticed by now that a Shellnut Moment is an unnecessarily long and complicated, yet admittedly well-composed, description of something for one who seeks learned information on the topic in question. But is that truly all there is to the Shellnut Moment? Surely there's more we can learn about it, like how to use it, who its creator is, where they are now, what the origins of each letter in the words "Shellnut Moment" are, if you're still even reading this right now, what the backstory of the author's motivation to write such an ungodly behemoth of a page was, where he is, what his origins are, what he'll do in Hell as a punishment for writing this page, or what the TRUE meaning of a Shellnut Moment is. Oh, yes. There is a chance of this being a pseudo-definition, and you didn't even stop to acknowledge it, did you? You could be wasting your time right now for all you know. Do you know? Do you know anything ? Does he know anything? What is anything? Think about that before you go to bed tonight. Now, about why the shellnut is just the two syllables of nutshell reversed. In a shellnut, the true creator of the shellnut screwed up when he was trying to say "nutshell", then went on to create the shellnut in all its shellnutty glory. He described the natural beauty, the ancient untold story, and the overall wonderfulness of the shellnut to his oh-too eager audience. When he had finished with his tale, they were left with but one thing to say: "Long live the shellnut!". Later that evening, the true creator of the shellnut was renowned for his creation and went to become one of the world's greatest legends. His story unknown, but his spirit lives on to this day despite the fact he isn't dead yet. After reading that, you might be wondering "If he was the 'true creator', then why was there an ancient story written long before he was born?" Ho ho, that is a good question, my friend. He is called the "true creator" of the shellnut because, although he had told of an entity much older than him, he recreated it in the modern day. Somehow, the young man had uncovered the unknown truths of the shellnut by mispronouncing "nutshell". It might have been a flame of knowledge that was kindled deep within his soul that gave him the millennia-old information of the shellnut that caused him to do what he did. No one knows for sure. And about this "ancient story". I'm sure you're getting tired of hearing about it but not actually knowing what it is. Well, sit back, my audience, and I will tell you of a-- you know what? To be honest, I don't know the story. No one knows. It has never been published on any paper, in any book, or retold by anyone but the legend of a young man we call the creator of the shellnut. We're not sure where he is, nor do we know of the whereabouts of his first audience. But I'm certain that you learned a thing or two about the shellnut from reading the horrifying chunk of text that is, well, this horrifying chunk of text, so missing out on a story won't hurt you too badly. That is all I have to tell you about the Shellnut Moment. I may see you again some time in the future. Maybe never. Maybe I might not want to see you again. Whatever our fate will be, let us both remember that the Shellnut Moment, along with its true creator, will live on for longer than either of us. So long, my newfound friend.''

Uhh... yeah, that.